I've never really over-analyzed my future in the way other people do. I mean, I have a tendency to worry about things, but I never actually stop and picture my life 10+ years from now. At least until I met an extremely peculiar man last week. We sat at work watching a football game, talking about our lives. He then said something along the lines of "I wish you success in whatever you plan to do for the rest of your life, what is that exactly?" And there I sat, debating whether or not to peddle off another one of my generic answers like I usually do, and for once I didn't. The truth is, I don't have the slightest clue where I'll be in 10 years. I know where I want to be in the end, it's where I've always planned to be. But here I am spending tens of thousands of dollars per year for an education that leaves me with a missing 20 years of my "future plan". I spent days wondering how the hell I have no idea what I want to fill all those years with? Family? maybe, but I've always been undecided on that. Management? for a while, but I never want to be stuck in that position for a long period of time. And then I realized, when I was younger, I never expected to be in the place I am now. Kids dream of going to their first college party or football game and gawk at the thought of their first all-nighter. Pittsburgh, New York City, Florida, and especially a little town in Virginia; places where all of my biggest accomplishments occurred, I never gave any thought to up until months before their occurance. So maybe I'll be able to add Italy and Vegas to that list soon too and then let my next lapse of sound judgement take me wherever it pleases like I always do. It seems to have worked in the past. If not, I'll have my back up plan waiting for me in 20 years.
See you in California Tony.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
The most wonderful time of the year
I came home for the holidays, my favorite time of the year, around this time last week. The first few days I immersed myself in Christmas shopping and decorating, ridding myself of any remaining thoughts of the previous semester. However, this past Sunday, right before my return to work, I began thinking about families during the holidays. A particular family actually.
I began imagining Melissa (let's just call her that), and her family during this tiring, but cheerful season. Melissa is married to the most insufferable man I have ever met. In my own opinion, the man resembles a dwarf, but that is completely beside the point. Sort of. Every time this man walks into our work everyone rolls their eyes and clears out of the way. I'm fairly sure he's made a pass at every single woman that works there and if not that then some sort of demeaning comment. Fortunately for me, I've experienced both. Luckily, I don't mind dealing with grumpy older men, somehow it comes to me easily. It's only when he talks down to his wife, which is constantly, that he bothers me. How dare this man belittle his wife, who is earning all of their families money, while he spends years attempting to swindle money for the government and taking her money to supply his addiction to pain killers. Not to mention his seven year old son whom he's showing all of these bad habits to. Melissa's mother has been begging her to leave him for years now, and while she knows she should, she never seems to have the courage to. I've never actually thought about why a woman would stay in this type of relationship for this long until this point but it truly is a double edged sword. I imagined leaving your husband close to the holidays and not even knowing where to start from that point, and then I imagined having to spend the holidays with him, a reincarnated Grinch stuffed into a doped up dwarfs body. Needless to say my heart went out to her. As much as Melissa may have irritated me at time, I would never wish to be in her position, and I wished that one day she would have the courage to leave him.
That same Sunday, I went in to work and was talking to another coworker. She mentioned a party they had the night before at work, and she later mentioned it was Melissa's going away party. I was astonished. Melissa was one of the most knowledgable people there, where on earth could she have went? Seeing my reaction, my coworker explained her husband had been physically abusing her and he took it too far around Thanksgiving. Melissa had apparently put her two weeks in, packed her belonging and took her child to Arizona with her to stay with her mother. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had never in a million years expected this to happen, especially without me even getting to say goodbye. Yet, I have never in twenty years felt so proud of someone. She frequently calls and tells us how she's doing, and the first time I picked up the phone and heard her tell me she was in Albuquerque that night, my eyes filled with tears.
I guess Christmas wishes do come true.
I began imagining Melissa (let's just call her that), and her family during this tiring, but cheerful season. Melissa is married to the most insufferable man I have ever met. In my own opinion, the man resembles a dwarf, but that is completely beside the point. Sort of. Every time this man walks into our work everyone rolls their eyes and clears out of the way. I'm fairly sure he's made a pass at every single woman that works there and if not that then some sort of demeaning comment. Fortunately for me, I've experienced both. Luckily, I don't mind dealing with grumpy older men, somehow it comes to me easily. It's only when he talks down to his wife, which is constantly, that he bothers me. How dare this man belittle his wife, who is earning all of their families money, while he spends years attempting to swindle money for the government and taking her money to supply his addiction to pain killers. Not to mention his seven year old son whom he's showing all of these bad habits to. Melissa's mother has been begging her to leave him for years now, and while she knows she should, she never seems to have the courage to. I've never actually thought about why a woman would stay in this type of relationship for this long until this point but it truly is a double edged sword. I imagined leaving your husband close to the holidays and not even knowing where to start from that point, and then I imagined having to spend the holidays with him, a reincarnated Grinch stuffed into a doped up dwarfs body. Needless to say my heart went out to her. As much as Melissa may have irritated me at time, I would never wish to be in her position, and I wished that one day she would have the courage to leave him.
That same Sunday, I went in to work and was talking to another coworker. She mentioned a party they had the night before at work, and she later mentioned it was Melissa's going away party. I was astonished. Melissa was one of the most knowledgable people there, where on earth could she have went? Seeing my reaction, my coworker explained her husband had been physically abusing her and he took it too far around Thanksgiving. Melissa had apparently put her two weeks in, packed her belonging and took her child to Arizona with her to stay with her mother. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had never in a million years expected this to happen, especially without me even getting to say goodbye. Yet, I have never in twenty years felt so proud of someone. She frequently calls and tells us how she's doing, and the first time I picked up the phone and heard her tell me she was in Albuquerque that night, my eyes filled with tears.
I guess Christmas wishes do come true.
Friday, May 22, 2009
One day at a time
Five hours away and I finally achieve happiness. It's the fist time I've felt like I've had a reason to smile every second of every day.
I'm not known for things like this.
Which takes me to the you I've so often talked about. No, it is not because of you, it never was. I'm ready to put behind me at least a hundred pages of you and not look back. Except this time it's not considered running away.
And to the new you. Maybe you really have changed me and made me believe no that it's possible for someone to care, but that for once it's possible for me to care.
Goodbye, hello, and I'll be seeing you.
I'm not known for things like this.
Which takes me to the you I've so often talked about. No, it is not because of you, it never was. I'm ready to put behind me at least a hundred pages of you and not look back. Except this time it's not considered running away.
And to the new you. Maybe you really have changed me and made me believe no that it's possible for someone to care, but that for once it's possible for me to care.
Goodbye, hello, and I'll be seeing you.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Hello again :)
I'm finding myself with free time again.
I feel like such a waste because I haven't written in ohhh...5 months now. I guess I've been busy and a million things have happened. School, boyfriend, car, cats, unemployed. That pretty much sums it all up. I've even achieved several things on my 2009 to do list.
But none of that is the point. I was watching the news tonight when a story about my former high school came on. Apparently they fired a former coach...whom everyone (besides my slightly psychotic grandmother) loved. I find it incredibly sad that the school board, the people who are "looking out for students' best interests" are the ones who keep taking things (or trying to) the students love away from them. Case in point, spring of last year when the school board proposed large cuts in the art and music departments. I wrote a seven page paper about the effects of art and music on the brain and learning so I won't even start that rant, but honestly. Do these people really think that they are truly helping the students by depriving them of all enjoyable parts of education. Let's just eliminate everyone's favorite classes and favorite teachers...but we can keep our former NFL player athletic director. Yes, they do give "reasons" for their actions, but they aren't actually real. Oh hey why don't we bring up the time they lied about speaking to their attorneys...that one was a good cover up that no one found out about. I'm sorry none of this makes sense and is angry but it really saddens me that a school that used to be considered one of the best has come down to this. I don't think I'm wrong saying that education is one of the most important parts of a person's life and it should be preserved. Once again, I'm sorry this makes no sense whatsoever.
I need to go chase kittens.
Thank you and goodnight.
I feel like such a waste because I haven't written in ohhh...5 months now. I guess I've been busy and a million things have happened. School, boyfriend, car, cats, unemployed. That pretty much sums it all up. I've even achieved several things on my 2009 to do list.
But none of that is the point. I was watching the news tonight when a story about my former high school came on. Apparently they fired a former coach...whom everyone (besides my slightly psychotic grandmother) loved. I find it incredibly sad that the school board, the people who are "looking out for students' best interests" are the ones who keep taking things (or trying to) the students love away from them. Case in point, spring of last year when the school board proposed large cuts in the art and music departments. I wrote a seven page paper about the effects of art and music on the brain and learning so I won't even start that rant, but honestly. Do these people really think that they are truly helping the students by depriving them of all enjoyable parts of education. Let's just eliminate everyone's favorite classes and favorite teachers...but we can keep our former NFL player athletic director. Yes, they do give "reasons" for their actions, but they aren't actually real. Oh hey why don't we bring up the time they lied about speaking to their attorneys...that one was a good cover up that no one found out about. I'm sorry none of this makes sense and is angry but it really saddens me that a school that used to be considered one of the best has come down to this. I don't think I'm wrong saying that education is one of the most important parts of a person's life and it should be preserved. Once again, I'm sorry this makes no sense whatsoever.
I need to go chase kittens.
Thank you and goodnight.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Welcoming in 2009
I really hate when people say that even though it's a new year, nothing really changes. I beg to differ. Sure, a lot of people don't follow through with their new years resolutions and whatever, but a new year still gives so many people hope for the better. Like this year won't have the nagging memories of the year before. I don't believe in new years resolutions, but I do have a small list of things I would like to do/accomplish this year.
1. Be healthier.
Typical I know. It's on the top of everyones list but no one seems to follow through. But I consider myself a fairly healthy person to begin with, I just have an extreme love of junk food (and eating as much food as I possibly can). So basically this includes not eating pop tarts every morning and going to the gym at least 4 times a week instead of 2.
2. Do something life changing.
I'm not really sure what, but I want 2009 to end with me knowing that it truly was a significant year. Hopefully it involves changing someone elses life also.
3. Stop complaining so much.
Anyone that knows me knows I'm a complainer. And I hate it. I let myself get away with it when I was younger, but really do I have it that bad? No. So I should shut my mouth.
4. Be in love.
This isn't even about a person. I used to love music, I would find these bands before and I would be in love, just with music. Myself would be nice, I need to learn to love myself a little more. Another person would be nice too, but I still feel like right now I expect too much from other people in relationships.
5. Lose my virginity.
Weird, I know. Sometimes it gets to you being the only one out of most of your friends. If it doesn't happen, I'm sure I'll live.
6. Be happier.
I'm so happy right now. I want it to stay this way for a very long time. I know it can't because bad things happen and I'm still in a ridiculous calc class, but so far I'm just being positive and taking it one day at a time.
7. Have people actually read this blog.
I'm a pretty boring person, I know. I'm sure if I put my crazy stories on here maybe people would read it, but thats not really what I want. So even if just one person comes across this and ever sees it, leave a comment. I'm sure it will make my year.
Mainly this list came from me reading The Last Lecture. Randy Pausch was a pretty inspiring person. Maybe not even the book itself but just his sense of self and accomplishments make me want to finally achieve the things I want to achieve, not what i think other people want for me.
1. Be healthier.
Typical I know. It's on the top of everyones list but no one seems to follow through. But I consider myself a fairly healthy person to begin with, I just have an extreme love of junk food (and eating as much food as I possibly can). So basically this includes not eating pop tarts every morning and going to the gym at least 4 times a week instead of 2.
2. Do something life changing.
I'm not really sure what, but I want 2009 to end with me knowing that it truly was a significant year. Hopefully it involves changing someone elses life also.
3. Stop complaining so much.
Anyone that knows me knows I'm a complainer. And I hate it. I let myself get away with it when I was younger, but really do I have it that bad? No. So I should shut my mouth.
4. Be in love.
This isn't even about a person. I used to love music, I would find these bands before and I would be in love, just with music. Myself would be nice, I need to learn to love myself a little more. Another person would be nice too, but I still feel like right now I expect too much from other people in relationships.
5. Lose my virginity.
Weird, I know. Sometimes it gets to you being the only one out of most of your friends. If it doesn't happen, I'm sure I'll live.
6. Be happier.
I'm so happy right now. I want it to stay this way for a very long time. I know it can't because bad things happen and I'm still in a ridiculous calc class, but so far I'm just being positive and taking it one day at a time.
7. Have people actually read this blog.
I'm a pretty boring person, I know. I'm sure if I put my crazy stories on here maybe people would read it, but thats not really what I want. So even if just one person comes across this and ever sees it, leave a comment. I'm sure it will make my year.
Mainly this list came from me reading The Last Lecture. Randy Pausch was a pretty inspiring person. Maybe not even the book itself but just his sense of self and accomplishments make me want to finally achieve the things I want to achieve, not what i think other people want for me.
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