Christmas sprit

Being home again is interesting.
I know I've been home twice before this, but it's still weird. Everywhere I go I have constant reminders of things that aren't part of my life anymore. It's sad but not at the same time. Everywhere I go I have this horrible feeling of running into people i don't want to see. One person in particular, but I think I actually do want to see them. Who knows.

The point of this is though, it's Christmas time and I feel like until today I haven't really felt like it. I realized after the craziness of the past few days of being upset, I don't need this. I really do have people that care about me, and for once I want to put myself first. I give so much for my friends, and that will never end, but I'm done trying to give so much of myself to people who wouldn't do the same for me. I truly do love the people I surround myself with. There's a reason why I want to see this one particular person so much. It's because I don't see him. And the thing is, there's a reason why I don't see him, and that reason is because he can't make any attempt to see me. Why on earth would I ever want to surround myself with someone who does not want try more than two words of trying to see me.

I never make sense. But in short, I'm happy. I love my family, friends (in both homes), and myself this Christmas. And that's all that really matters.

I hope everyone has a merry Christmas and a great New Years. I have an idea that 2009 will certainly be an interesting year...

It happens

To the friends that are supposed to mean something here:
I'm sorry you can't understand what I'm going through.
I'm sorry you have the emotional depth of a ten year old.
I'm sorry you're incapable of walking up two flights of stairs to come visit me.
I'm sorry you don't care about me when I'm upset.
I'm sorry you take sides so easily, and never listen to mine.
I'm sorry you forget to invite me places.
But most of all
I'm sorry I don't feel like being around you anymore.