Christmas sprit

Being home again is interesting.
I know I've been home twice before this, but it's still weird. Everywhere I go I have constant reminders of things that aren't part of my life anymore. It's sad but not at the same time. Everywhere I go I have this horrible feeling of running into people i don't want to see. One person in particular, but I think I actually do want to see them. Who knows.

The point of this is though, it's Christmas time and I feel like until today I haven't really felt like it. I realized after the craziness of the past few days of being upset, I don't need this. I really do have people that care about me, and for once I want to put myself first. I give so much for my friends, and that will never end, but I'm done trying to give so much of myself to people who wouldn't do the same for me. I truly do love the people I surround myself with. There's a reason why I want to see this one particular person so much. It's because I don't see him. And the thing is, there's a reason why I don't see him, and that reason is because he can't make any attempt to see me. Why on earth would I ever want to surround myself with someone who does not want try more than two words of trying to see me.

I never make sense. But in short, I'm happy. I love my family, friends (in both homes), and myself this Christmas. And that's all that really matters.

I hope everyone has a merry Christmas and a great New Years. I have an idea that 2009 will certainly be an interesting year...