Sunny with a high of 75

I'm ridding my life temporarily of computerized communication.
Nothing but beauty, family, friends, and love.

Scrutinize please.
I hope you're having fun.
Your state of mind right now is certainly laughable.
Love always.
T.P.

May we live in infamy

Am I really free?
Has this tug of war game we've been playing for years finally ended? I have sores on my hands and too many unanswered questions.
This book as kept me as close and as far away as I needed to be. I've spun tales of hope, loneliness, and "I'll be seeing you"s, all lacking closure. Sometimes I even like going back and seeing my growth and demise. All the little missteps we've taken to bring us both to where we are now. This may be the ring on the finger to end all.
May our lives finally untwine and our sores heal.
Good luck old friend.

Places apart

This exact time last year I remember sitting in her living room, thinking how lucky I was to have her and everyone else around. I never wanted to leave. Now I find myself counting the minutes till I can ignore it all again. It's funny how quickly things can reverse themselves.
If you only knew the things I thought, but I guess I'm too busy for you to listen.

Finding Parker

The truth is, I know very little. I've never traveled the world, I've never experienced any major loss, and I've never really had any outstanding accomplishments. However, I know myself. I know the moments where I've been overwhelmingly happy, and the moments where I thought I couldn't keep going. I know I can recognize something truly beautiful when I see it, and I know that although I wrote the finale of my history with someone else, there's still something there that isn't quite finished. I know stress all too well, and I know what it's like to have a barrier blocking lifelong dreams that I can't seem to overcome. I recognize inspiration when it comes to me, although I've often let it pass me by. I know that there's a chance that I really may fail, and if I do it will be my own doing. I know that Tanya Parker only lives through my words, which unfortunately don't seem to make it anywhere. I guess I have a lot to learn.

Tony's big picture

I've never really over-analyzed my future in the way other people do. I mean, I have a tendency to worry about things, but I never actually stop and picture my life 10+ years from now. At least until I met an extremely peculiar man last week. We sat at work watching a football game, talking about our lives. He then said something along the lines of "I wish you success in whatever you plan to do for the rest of your life, what is that exactly?" And there I sat, debating whether or not to peddle off another one of my generic answers like I usually do, and for once I didn't. The truth is, I don't have the slightest clue where I'll be in 10 years. I know where I want to be in the end, it's where I've always planned to be. But here I am spending tens of thousands of dollars per year for an education that leaves me with a missing 20 years of my "future plan". I spent days wondering how the hell I have no idea what I want to fill all those years with? Family? maybe, but I've always been undecided on that. Management? for a while, but I never want to be stuck in that position for a long period of time. And then I realized, when I was younger, I never expected to be in the place I am now. Kids dream of going to their first college party or football game and gawk at the thought of their first all-nighter. Pittsburgh, New York City, Florida, and especially a little town in Virginia; places where all of my biggest accomplishments occurred, I never gave any thought to up until months before their occurance. So maybe I'll be able to add Italy and Vegas to that list soon too and then let my next lapse of sound judgement take me wherever it pleases like I always do. It seems to have worked in the past. If not, I'll have my back up plan waiting for me in 20 years.

See you in California Tony.

The most wonderful time of the year

I came home for the holidays, my favorite time of the year, around this time last week. The first few days I immersed myself in Christmas shopping and decorating, ridding myself of any remaining thoughts of the previous semester. However, this past Sunday, right before my return to work, I began thinking about families during the holidays. A particular family actually.

I began imagining Melissa (let's just call her that), and her family during this tiring, but cheerful season. Melissa is married to the most insufferable man I have ever met. In my own opinion, the man resembles a dwarf, but that is completely beside the point. Sort of. Every time this man walks into our work everyone rolls their eyes and clears out of the way. I'm fairly sure he's made a pass at every single woman that works there and if not that then some sort of demeaning comment. Fortunately for me, I've experienced both. Luckily, I don't mind dealing with grumpy older men, somehow it comes to me easily. It's only when he talks down to his wife, which is constantly, that he bothers me. How dare this man belittle his wife, who is earning all of their families money, while he spends years attempting to swindle money for the government and taking her money to supply his addiction to pain killers. Not to mention his seven year old son whom he's showing all of these bad habits to. Melissa's mother has been begging her to leave him for years now, and while she knows she should, she never seems to have the courage to. I've never actually thought about why a woman would stay in this type of relationship for this long until this point but it truly is a double edged sword. I imagined leaving your husband close to the holidays and not even knowing where to start from that point, and then I imagined having to spend the holidays with him, a reincarnated Grinch stuffed into a doped up dwarfs body. Needless to say my heart went out to her. As much as Melissa may have irritated me at time, I would never wish to be in her position, and I wished that one day she would have the courage to leave him.

That same Sunday, I went in to work and was talking to another coworker. She mentioned a party they had the night before at work, and she later mentioned it was Melissa's going away party. I was astonished. Melissa was one of the most knowledgable people there, where on earth could she have went? Seeing my reaction, my coworker explained her husband had been physically abusing her and he took it too far around Thanksgiving. Melissa had apparently put her two weeks in, packed her belonging and took her child to Arizona with her to stay with her mother. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had never in a million years expected this to happen, especially without me even getting to say goodbye. Yet, I have never in twenty years felt so proud of someone. She frequently calls and tells us how she's doing, and the first time I picked up the phone and heard her tell me she was in Albuquerque that night, my eyes filled with tears.

I guess Christmas wishes do come true.